This Box I Am In
by witchwannaB
Summary: My name is Draco Malfoy, and I am trapped inside a box. I know the way out, but I also know what is outside this box, and it is not good. What is in this box is not good either, but it may very well be better than what is outside it. Yet it may very well


My name is Draco Malfoy, and I am trapped inside a box. I know the way out, but I also know what is outside this box, and it is not good. What is in this box is not good either, but it may very well be better than what is outside it. Yet it may very well be worse. I'm not sure. And so I am stuck. I can only hope to delay the day when I will have to choose between what is in this box and what is outside it.

This box is made of my father and the choices he has made. He is a Death Eater, he chose to become one, and so it seems certain that I will join the Dark Lord as well. I will follow in his footsteps and become as great, if not greater, than any Malfoy before me. During the day I will give donations to gain favor with the Ministry, and then at night I will kill Muggles and half-bloods. There is no question in my father's mind that I will do it, for it is what he wants and what he wants, he gets. Everyone else thinks I whole-heartedly agree, that I like killing, that I revere my father. And so they lock this box, thinking I don't mind.

Outside this box is a world of possibilities. If I chose to leave it, I would have to do what I wanted. I would have to be myself. But I don't know what I want, and I don't know who I am. I have never been free to explore this before; I have always been told and made to agree. By extension, I am unsure of what would happen if I escaped. I huddle inside this box I am in, grateful for the lock but despising it all the same. I do not know which way to go, and I am not ready to trust myself to make the right decision.

Peril surely awaits me whether I stay in this box or leave it. If I stay, I may be killed in my work for the Dark Lord. It happens to many of his followers eventually. But if I leave this box, I feel sure that I will be killed by my father or another in the Dark Lord's service for betraying him. Yes, betraying, even though had I the choice I think I would have nothing to do with the type my father is with. Death by murder will come either way, any way it can. I feel it in my bones.

There is only one way out of this box. There is only one way to evade what is outside it. There is only one way to defeat what is inside it successfully. I face that fate as it is. If I had a little more courage, I would have already taken the path out. But I don't have that courage. I lack the ability to choose. Perhaps it is another's fault, but somehow I feel it is mine and mine alone. I am fated to forever wander the halls between these doors unless I do what I know I must. It shouldn't be hard; I have been practicing for nearly a month now. What will be hard is finding within me the bravery to do it.

My name is Draco Malfoy, and I am trapped inside a box. I know the way out, but I also know what is outside this box, and it is not good…But in a few hours none of that will matter. I just need to finish a few more simple tasks. Then I will be meeting someone who I have longed to see for many months now. She will be waiting for me with open arms, and I'll come to her without a single look back. She has long beautiful hair and a wistful smile. Her outfit consists only of a simple black gown. Everyone in the world knows who she is, and in turn she knows everyone in the world. Her name is Death…

_Father-_

_You have failed to realize that I am my own person, not of a younger version of yourself. I was left with only two choices, neither of which were very appealing to me. So I made my own choice and took the path I had created. By the time you receive this letter I will be gone, and happily so. The only thing I wish to be done is for you to give a prayer for the dying in my name. My body is to be burned. Goodbye, father. I hope that when we meet again you will have changed your perspectives to include tolerance for a son who is different from yourself._

_-Draco_


End file.
